The Key

This section will attempt to explain the various phrases and words that we use in this website that you may or may not understand. Even if you are knowledgable in our ways it's a laugh to read.

Warning: this key contains lies.

Team F'lor: We are the tram that made the site Ant Fleming and Rudi Butler we are also aided by our young and evil apprentice Bobby Guppy.

Rudi/Ruud: Co creator of the site and general nut case. In real life Rudi runs the family business which is a Pet shop. The smell of rabid animals drives him so mad that he relieves himself on regular basis by watching Blackmail. Above all things in life Rudi dispises Robbie Williams, which is not suprising seeing as he is quite possibly the most filthy creature in existence. Rudi is 25.

Ant/Anthony/Tony: Co creator of the site and enemy of the film Blackmail. Ant also runs the family business - he runs a garage and including various bits and pieces sells Japanese sports cars. The smell of unburnt petrol fumes have lead Ant into a depraved and sick love affair with the corporal punishment scene from the class of 1999. He also has a pathalogical hatred for 'gangsta rapper' and 'ultra stylish' films such as Blackmail and Caught up. Ant is 25. You can see Ants other website here.

Bobby/Bob/Bobster/Bobmeister/Bobbybox: Crazed and evil apprentice to Ant and Ruud, Bobby likes nothing better but to hunt animals that have threatened the sanctity of his sight. Bobby is currently training to be a carpenter so that he can build racks to carry the endless hoards of shit films that he hopes to own one day. He dreams that one day he may star in a shit film with his favourite heroine Eileen Daley, so it's not suprising that he is classed as being mentally unstable. Bobby is 17.

Niki/Laura: Ant's and Ruud's partners respectively. They are enemies of shit films, however Laura is partial to any films starring midgets and Niki has been known to secretly love the film Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the mutant killer snowman. They are our resident experts in the field of shit rom com's as no one else amongst us is stupid enough to watch them. Niki has told us that it is her mission in life to stop us getting the phrase Jük-F’lor in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Hugh: Hugh is Ant's first cousin and has a heavy case of dual identity. On the one hand is a sad case student and the other he is a soft core shit film fanatic. He loves the film Expect no mercy, but gets a little too passionate about certain things and often goes too far - his attempt to dress up like Billy Blanks complete with boot polish at a party in Brixton did not go down too well with all concerned. A good sport on the whole, Hugh is 20.

Hamish: Ant's brother and semi employed bum. Hamish was a strong shit film follower until he took an exceptionally long holiday in Australia and New Zealand. On return he had become a shit film non believer and displayed unpleasant signs of shit film denial. It only took the film 'Crash and Byrnes' to restore his faith however and Hamish was back stronger than ever. He now leads a local church of born again shit film lovers where the congregation are hamsters. He is a fan of 'ultra style' and has some severe conflicting shit film views with Ant and Ruud, they have been known to battle Tekken style CGI'd up as Demons and Angels to settle their disputes.

Jeff & Jeff's choices: Remember one thing in life and you can't go to wrong. Jeff ALWAYS makes the wrong choices. He is a lover of the worst shit films and has been responsible for choosing some of the very worst. He has been quiet recently as he had an unpleasant incident involving the DVD for the film 'Criminal Mentality' after trying to push the film on Ant and Ruud way too much. Usually angle grinders should not be used in conjunction with DVD's however it proved especially effective on Jeff's knee caps. Jeff is also training to be Britains first Psychotronic man. Jeff is currently a student and is 20.

Jük-F’lor: (prenounced Juke-fe-lore) Derived from the 3DO game Total Eclipse using Rudi's warped mind, the phrase originally meant Alien masturbation but now is used to describe any form of masturbation or wanking. It is also shortened to the word Jük (prenounced Juke) which means the same thing. Other versions of the word include Jük-enzie which means a rumbled ruffle, blazing Jük which means an ultra high speed Jük and squad F’lor which is too disgusting to explain.

Tommy Tank: Cockney rhyming style for wank (masturbation for all you dumb yanks)

The Shat: Nickname for musical genius and general big head William Shatner.

The Hass: Nickname for musical genius and general big head David Hasselhoff.

Martial arts serial killer rapist: Made famous by the film 'Undefeatable' this ridiculous description of the films foe was actually written on the back of the DVD box, so silly a premise that we generally use it to describe suitably ridiculous situations and people.

Boxshitener/Boxshatner: Nickname for useless fist hammering gungho overly excited actor who played Captain Sheridan in Sci-Fi series Babylon 5. Box actually seems like a top bloke in real life and we admire what a good job he did of delivering J Michael Straczynski's useless Tolkien rip off scripts.

David Blunkett: Ex UK home secretary, he is blind and seems to be a strong believer in the Big Brother state, my theory is that due to his blindness he hoped to make all other UK residents miserable too.

3DO: Failed computer games console, brainchild of idiotic ennts miserable too.

3DO: Failed computer games console, brainchild of idiotic entrepreneur Trip Hawkins. The 3DO was brilliant in the same way as shit films, could be described as a B-Console. It's poor foresightedness in the heavy use of full motion video in the games rather than polygonated 3D graphics helped lead to it's failure, also the lack of any decent games didnt help matters. Some people call the 3DO the godfather of the shit film industry, but those people have been removed by the Chineese government for scientific testing.

CGI tossers: Foul deviants