REVIEW: Low Blow

Starring: Leo Fong, Troy Donahue
Director: Frank Harris
Year: 1986
Tagline(s): The deadliest weapon is still your fist
Suggested replacement tagline: The deadliest weapon is showing this film to your foe
Theme: Wako, ugly people.

Plot overview:

When John Templeton's daughter falls under the spell of an evil cult, he turns to Joe Wong, an ex-cop turned private dick, who he knows will go to any lengths to save his daughter. Joe assembles a team of the hardest and most skilled warriors to infiltrate the commune and remove the evil leaders. They hit hard, fast and with a low blow...

Ant’s Balanced View:

Out of work Chinese American Jo Wong (which rhymes with his real name ‘Leo Fong’) was given one last chance at the big time in this dreadful retarded cop drama.
Wong is an ex cop turned general do gooder with crappy yank tank for a car. Big hair and synthesisers date this film firmly in the tasteful 1980’s. Wong is pitted against cult leader Uracunta in a battle of the ugliest. Uracunta is a nutter as he has some coloured elasticated faced bint brainwashing the crowd of 80’s redneck rejects. As usual acting is fucking pathetic – more wooden than usually expected of a saw mill. Fights were choreographed by some blind and drunk peace loving aliens. Wong finds an apprenticed named Hayden Jehovah to help destroy the cult as Wong was offended by it as Uracunta stole some of his earrings as a child. Sadly when Wong accidentally rapes Haydens mum, Hayden is turned to cult groupie under the command of Uracunta, Hayden then buries himself in a pile of dung from some steroid fed cows and emerges a rampant killing machine slicing off Wong’s gonads with his tongue. If only the film was that exciting…. …sadly its pretty dull with the most boring lead character ever conceived – that’s how I justified writing that total nonsense.

Rudi’s Ramblings:

Leo Fong wrote, produced and starred in this docu-drama advocating 80’s hairdressing and the virtues of being a brain dead American (I thought that was the only type). My brain has just oozed out of my ears…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Leo Fong plays Joe Wong. Wong is the first of his kind created by red China – A super soldier. Sadly a few things have gone Wong, sorry wrong in the process, well everything in actual fact. Poor Wong is forced to ply his trade as a mono-syllabic private dick. Things are pretty gloomy for Wong until one day the Devil appears and sets up a dodgy religious cult. The cult teaches the ideas that it is a good idea to perform lesbian rape on big haired women. Wong tries to sort the cult out but then Bobby span the movie on and then loads of Hill Billy bastards invaded the screen, fuck knows what’s going on now. Billy Blanks pumps some iron. Uracunta sits in a deck chair wearing his Ku Klux Klan grand masters outfit blissfully unaware that he is surrounded by a number of black gentlemen

Overall percentage: 29%

(Above) Cult leader 'Uracunta' surrounded by his posse. He is a style guru.

(Above) Utterly dull star of the film, Leo Fong.

(Above) Satan.

(Above) Ill educated farm hand - Hayden Jehova.