REVIEW: The Alternate (Agent of Death) - chosen by Rudi

Starring: Michael Madsen, Eric Roberts, Ice T.
Tagline(s): Kill the president. Kill the hostages, escape. A great idea!
Suggested replacement tagline: (not necessary)
Theme: Bodycount.

Plot overview:

One week from the US presidential elections an aide to the President, stages his kidnap by terrorists, in a bid to ensure his second term in office. However things don't go exactly to plan...

Rudi’s ramblings:

Nu Image stalwart Bryan “Big” Genesse was finally allowed to open his Birthday present – a packet of wax crayons. Sadly, once he got one of the fat crayons in his sweaty little fist he preceded to craft a screenplay of such lameness it could qualify for the Paralympics. Not a good start but luckily Nu Image let Bryan himself take one of the lead roles and also hired the talents of Eric Roberts, Ice T and Michael Madsen. The downside - there was no money left to pay for cosmetic surgery for the gargoyles that fill the female roles. The costume department were only allowed one size fits all suits but the stock footage unit had a full budget which leaves the film a little imbalanced. It’s difficult to be objective about this film. That’s because I’ve actually seen it and know it’s more of a mess than a botched attempt to perform a heart transplant with a spoon. The flaws are virtually endless but I’ll mention some of the most pertinent ones. The film is partially a dire, hard to take Die Hard rip off with Eric Roberts in the Bruce Willis role. This is major flaw number one as Eric Roberts is the action film equivalent of a pot noodle. Major flaw number two is there is no continuity.

Ant’s balanced view:

Wolf Larson creator of the ‘shit film construction kit’ must have been dead chuffed to see his blueprint for rubbish action films used to great effect in this awesome by the book action flick. I am not going to write a lot about this hilarious film as Rudi is already writing the definitive review, I will add however that it has the most pathetic marksmanship in a film to date; bad guys vs. good guys can’t even hit each other with an assortment of weapons at near point blank range.

Overall percentage: 16%