REVIEW: Expect No Mercy
Starring: Billy Blanks, Jalal Merhi, Wolf Larson, Laurie
Holden, Anthony De Longis, Michael Blanks.
Director: Zale Dalen.
Year: 1995
Tagline(s): Where Virtual reality begins.....
Suggested replacement tagline:Where Virtual reality headsets and Oreo's
make you a winner
Theme: Bic's, shoulder strength, fun house.
Plot overview:
Federal Service Agent Justin Vanier has been assigned to infiltrate the "Virtual Arts Academy" in search of another operative, Eric. In this high-tech facility controlled by Warbeck, a new generation of assassins trains for actual killings in a virtual reality arena. Penetrating the organization as a new recruit, Justin finds Eric and joins forces with the idealistic Vicki. Together, they must bring down Warbeck before another assassination is committed. Combatting holographic programs of limitless power, Justin and Eric combine their skills to escape the computer generated world and confront Warbeck in an explosive battle where the pain is very real.
Rudi’s Ramblings:
Why is expect no mercy the number one shit film?
It combines all the worst shit film premises into a feast of classic moments. Marshal Arts, Virtual Reality and Jalal Merhi have never been so good and sadly never will be again. With most shit films we can only recommend one or three truly worthwhile moments but with Expect No Mercy you can quite frankly gorge yourself on the celluloid equivalent of a whole bag of the Worlds finest donuts. From the moment it starts with Pat Sharp lookalike Wolf Larson in what looks like the “Jokers Lair” and the opening titles that look suspiciously like they were made using Virtual House on the 3DO till the last moment when Jalal Merhi delivers a truly aweful line, Expect No Mercy never lets up with it’s totally serious depiction of a ludicrous premise, no review can truly do it any justice.
Ant’s balanced view:
This film stands head and shoulders above the other shit films. Why is this I hear you ask? It is because it successfully merges all of the following features into one stunning film. They are:
Bad acting,
Ridiculous script,
Extremely poor use of the English language,
Billy Blanks,
Jalal Merhi,
Wolf Larson (Pat Sharp look-alike),
Anthony De longis,
Michael Blanks
Virtual Reality,
Horrific special effects,
Terrible early 90’s CGI,
Oreo’s,
Mullets,
1960’s ‘Jokers Lair’ set,
Guruda self expanding steel baton,
Fake beards and curly hair,
Fighting sound effects from 3DO computer game space pirates,
Iguana’s,
Over use of the word ‘CHAAAAH’,
Death by thrown pen to the neck (we tried to recreate this –
it’s impossible to do)
Clichéd one liners,
Rubbish martial arts……..
I could go on and on. Looking at that lot I am sure you can see why we have found it so painfully difficult to right a review of this film. It’s a classic.
Overall percentage: 90%
(Above) Billy Blanks looking 'stylish'
(Above) WOW only Wolf could pull off eating an Oreo, wearing a VR headset and supporting such a stunning Pat Sharp mullet.
(Above) Wolf is a pervert.
(Above) Wolf is lord and master to me. Note his startling ressemblance to David Ginola!
(Above) Useless grunt: 'This is a garuda self expanding
steel batton, you can use it closed and concealed OR you can whip it
out and use it for more effectiveness.' English isn't this guys strong
point.