REVIEW: Armstrong – chosen by Ant
Starring: Frank Zag, Joe “Brian”
Lara etc.
Tagline(s): Two People with nothing in common except
blood.
Suggested replacement tagline: Two Actors with nothing
in common except wood
Theme: Jesus
Plot synopsis:
A mercenary warrior fights his way out of a deadly conspiracy.
Ant's balanced view:
After the great success of ‘Warhead’ director
‘Menahem Golan’ decided to reunite the awesome combination
of Lara and Zagarino. Quite why he did this I don’t know. Some
may argue that Jo Lara’s ‘Jesus of Nazareth looks’
combine well with Zag’s arian style, but to be fair I was shocked
to see them teaming up again seeing as they have the combined acting
talents of a pine furniture shop.
So let’s get to the plot – or as usual clichéd lack
of it. Set in post cold war Russia (although clearly filmed somewhere
else). The story is the usual ex CIA/Navy seal/stolen missile bollocks,
quite honestly the film is a total unconvincing mess. Action scenes
are jumbled and pointless, acting is a joke, fake Russians are a plenty
and there are some notable silicon enhanced full frontal nudity by ‘Kimberley
Kates’ – obviously thrown in to try and alleviate some of
the utter boredom you will face if you are stupid enough to watch this
film.
Rudi's ramblings:
Utter drivel is the best way to describe this pathetic
excuse for entertainment. Joe Lara is more wooden than Brian Lara’s
cricket bat but still not as plank like as Frank Zag.
My advice if you’re thinking about watching this film is to murder
any loved ones instead because it will be a lot less heartbreaking and
soul destroying in the long run.
Overall percentage: 23%